


What Lies Beyond Vengeance

by ProPinkist



Category: Tales of the Rays (Video Game)
Genre: Family, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Kinda, Rays is rich in so many potential character interactions I love it so much, a big implied one, annnnd slight Velvet spoilers but nothing explicit, in which Dezel is being an angsty emo boy and Guy is like 'yo dude chill', major spoilers related to Guy for Abyss, screw you Bamco for only giving us half of it ;_____;, spoilers related to Dezel for Zestiria, there's so much angst u can do in a game like this with timeline discrepancies, with characters like Dezel... :')
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-27 07:46:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17158076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProPinkist/pseuds/ProPinkist
Summary: Dezel doesn't know why he has to be in Tir Na Nog; all he knows is that he's finally discovered the only thing worse than the despair that put him on his vengeful path in the first place: not being able to get said revenge anymore.Fortunately, Guy has been in his shoes before, and he has some advice. And just maybe, Dezel's fate this time will turn out a bit more optimistic.





	What Lies Beyond Vengeance

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Azzure](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azzure/gifts).



> The first of what is hopefully many stories centered on Tales of the Rays, because god I love this game and its writing, and how it parallels and connects Tales characters from different Tales games who relate to each other in different ways. Unfortunately since we only got the first arc officially translated :') , I'm probably not going to focus too much on the Rays-specific plot in anything I write for it, until the fan translations get further along, but I will be using the character interactions in the game itself to focus more on that, since it's the heart of Rays and what makes it so great. I struggled with deciding whether to make this a multi-chaptered story so I could just put everything Rays in one story, but in the end I just went with making them all separate, since I don't know how many fics I'll make, and how often.
> 
> First up here is the Revenge Crew(tm), written as a secret santa gift for someone. Enjoy~

Dezel would have given almost ( _almost_ ) anything to not be here.

He hadn’t _asked_ for this, hadn’t _wanted_ it. But the world had denied him his wishes before, in the worst of ways, so his luck just had to be the gift that kept on giving, it seemed. He never even thought that being teleported out of their own world against his will and into another was _possible,_ but here he was, forced into being with all these other people from other worlds he didn’t know and didn’t _care_ to know, who were trying to help the residents of this world who had _brought them all here without their permission in the first place,_ stuck here with _no way to get back,_ to what **_really mattered._** How was any of this fair?

At least he still had Rose, who seemed to be having a good enough time herself, having accepted everything about their new situation with infuriating ease, as Rose did. But that did nothing to help _his_ personal goal.

She was happy, though, with Sorey, Mikleo, Edna, and the newcomers. Dezel had to feel some sort of satisfaction from that.

…Right?

_“LLOYD!!! GET BACK HERE AND LISTEN TO ME, OR I’M TRIPLING THE LENGTH OF YOUR CURRENT ASSIGNMENT—” “PASCAL, IF YOU DON’T TAKE A BATH RIGHT THIS INSTANT I SWEAR I’M GOING TO—” “TAKE THAT BACK, YOU DIRTY OLD MAN YOU—"_

Dezel groaned, pressing his hands to his head underneath his hat, and pressing _himself_ even further into the corner of the crowded area of the Heimdallr he was in, wanting to die. He was _going_ to die after too much longer of being surrounded by so many people, he was certain; as a wind seraph, he innately desired freedom, and wide open spaces, and while there was no malevolence in Tir Na Nog, the thick, stifling nature of the air in here with so many people around at once at all times, no matter how evenly they spread across the ship, reminded him unpleasantly of it. Claustrophobia hadn’t affected him more than once or twice in Glenwood, but it was after him with a vengeance ( _ha_ ) in full force here.

Perhaps this really was his punishment.

_~~(but he hadn’t done, wasn’t doing, anything~~ _ ~~wrong _—)_~~

Hissing, feeling stupidly childish and pathetic, Dezel crouched down and curled into a ball, if only to try to block out the sounds and sights, feeling exhausted. He knew he could go outside if he really wanted to, his mind supplied to him, but Rose was somewhere on the ship, and even now he didn’t want to be too far from her… even though it didn’t _matter_ anymore because—

… _God_ , he just didn’t want to be here.

_(she was probably_ **laughing** _about it back in Glenwood, because he wouldn’t put it past her to somehow know, the demon)_

“Hey, you okay there?”

Dezel gasped, shivering as he jerked up at a touch on his shoulder, and stood hastily. Heart pounding, he assumed a casual position and expression once more, taking in the blonde man (thank god he still had his wind, at least; he didn’t know _what_ he would have done if this hellish world had taken his **_eyes_** away from him, too) before him, who was looking at him with concern. He didn’t know his name, as with most of the people here, too many to meet and too many to remember, even if he _wanted_ to, but vague recollection told him that he seemed to be an acquaintance of the red-headed kid that Sorey often spent time with.

“…I’m fine,” Dezel muttered, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall, hoping that he would be left alone at the reassurance. Unfortunately, as usual, fate didn’t want to be easy on him, and the other man after a moment moved to lean next to him, Dezel sighing as he did so.

“I’m Guy. Nice to meet you.”

“……Dezel.” Could he have the claustrophobia while being left alone back? Really, he took everything he thought about it back! The only thing worse than a crowd of people around him were people _paying attention to him_ , where he had to **_talk_** _to them._ He and socializing just… didn’t mix.

Not anymore.

“You’re Sorey and Mikleo’s friend, aren’t you? Luke likes Sorey, so I’ve gotten to know his companions, and he’s said some things about you.”

This was going to go in a _bad_ way, he could already tell.

“…Like what,” Dezel finally deadpanned, knowing he was going to regret asking.

“He mentioned something about you being on a mission to get revenge on someone, that got interrupted when you came here, and he seemed worried that you weren’t taking it well. …I felt like there was something else troubling him, too, but that’s all I heard for sure.”

Yep, he was definitely going to kill the Shepherd later.

“That’s none of your business, Sorey never should have talked about it; it doesn’t matter,” he bit out, tightening his fists, ignoring the tiny voice in the back of his mind focusing on the words _“worried”_ and _“troubling”._ Sorey _knew_ he didn’t even want **_Rose_** to know all the details, someone _in their group,_ so who was he to spill all his secrets and privacy to people who he didn’t even _know_? Even if he couldn’t do what he had set out to do anymore, complete his _life’s goal,_ wasn’t that in of itself enough for the world, for Sorey? Why did he have to _talk_ about it, and god, with a total stranger?!

Why did Sorey still _care_ about it?

His purpose was gone, over, there was _nothing left_. The least he could do was let him have **_peace and quiet_**.

“It might not be any of my business, sure, but we’re all stuck here like you are, being forced to abandon everything we were doing before we came here, and some of us in particular are, or were, in the exact same boat you are. Like me.”

Dezel started, though he hid it well, turning his “gaze” towards Guy, who was looking out at the people in front of them, his expression indecipherable. He looked so… _ordinary_ , and had seemed so laidback and friendly the few glimpses he had caught of him before; he never would have thought he ever would have harbored the same dark, bitter emotions Dezel knew so well, at any point in time. Then again, he thought, he was being foolish, scolding himself for taking appearances at face value: Rose was the proof that one should never do that.

_“You?”_

“Yeah,” Guy murmured quietly, putting a foot up against the wall behind him and crossing his arms as well. “It was a long time ago, but I was doing the same thing, for a handful of years. Would have gotten my revenge, too, but, well…”

He looked down, a small, bittersweet smile playing on his lips.

“…In the end, I’m glad I didn’t. It wouldn’t have been worth it, not for who would have paid the price for it.”

Dezel scoffed, indignance rising up in his chest and into his voice. What a fool; he wasn’t going to take a lecture, not from such a _wimp_. “So you got _soft_ , is what you’re saying? Started _pitying_ the person who brought you so much grief, who you had hated so much? Sorry, but I’m not like that, I’m not taking this so lightly; I will never forget, _never_ forgive.”

“Oh, I’ve never forgotten either, and I’d be lying if I said I’ve forgiven. I could never forgive such cruel, merciless injustice done to the people I cared about, who were completely innocent,” Guy said coolly, his mouth pressed into a thin line, and a coldness in his eyes that it somehow still surprised Dezel to see. “…But that’s exactly why I could never hurt someone innocent myself, in order to get revenge on the person responsible. No matter how much I hated him, no matter how much my blood boiled at the very _sight_ of him… I realized that there were people besides just me that I had to consider, who would be hurt by my actions, if I chose to go through with my vengeance. Either Luke would have lost his father, and his trust and friendship in me… or his life. And neither would have been acceptable…… No, _neither_ , no matter which one of them it would have been…”

The last part became trailed off, as Guy’s frown increased, him seemingly wrestling with unknown, conflicting, pained thoughts, his expression laced with sadness. After a moment, he regained his composure, turning to look at Dezel, serious and stern.

“When you take on as selfish a quest as one for revenge, you involve other people in it by default, whether that be those close to the person you’re after, who may or may not deserve to lose the one they care about, or those close to _you_ , who will be hurt by your actions, because of how it might put you in danger… or simply because it kills them to see you trying to heal your pain in such a violent way, knowing that it won’t truly help at all, in the end. Either way, if you have friends, family… your revenge _will_ hurt them.”

It was like he had been struck, as a certain redhead unbiddenly flashed in his mind. Dezel flinched, and then cursed, shaking, **_seething_** _._

_(so **what**?! This was his _choice, _the one he had made years upon years ago, with no one left to turn to, no one left to guide him, nothing but the feelings of loneliness and mourning and **grief** and _**blindness** _, and just because he had gained companions in the last few months didn’t mean that those years of pain, that crippling_ rage _and_ despair _and need for_ **closure _,_** _could be done away with just like that, as if they had never happened, that he was suddenly just going to drop everything and gain **morels** and forget why he was doing all this in the first place, forget **Lafarga** , even if, even _if _Rose—!)_

“How _dare_ you try to tell me I’m wrong, just because _you_ got cold feet and gave it up; you don’t even _know_ me, so you don’t have any right to judge me, you don’t know _anything_ about my situation or what I’ve _been_ through, what I’m planning and how _long_ I’ve been planning it, and what the others think of it, what I **_have to do_** … h-had……”

Dezel, to his chagrin, heard his voice failing him, his thoughts trailing off, as he became short of breath, body numb.

_(Oh._

_That’s right, he_ can’t _anymore, can’t he? Because he’s stuck here in this alien hellhole, forever, with a bunch of people he doesn’t know, where **she** doesn’t exist._

_A world where Lafarga_ never _existed._

_…So there’s no goddamn_ **point** _anymore.)_

“I’m not… t-that type of person…… I can’t _be_ anything else…”

_~~(because he doesn’t~~ _ ~~have _anything but **revenge** )_~~

“Dezel, calm down.” There was a strong hand on his shoulder again, voice commanding, and yet slightly reassuring as well. “Breathe slower, you’re starting to panic again.”

_(foolish, he was a_ wind _seraph, how could he lose control of his breaths?)_

“I-I…”

_(oh god, he was all alone here, he didn’t have her anymore, he was all alone without a **goal** , a **reason to live** , she wasn’t here he couldn’t **kill** her he couldn’t get _back _and kill her he couldn’t make it up to Lafarga for failing him hecouldn’tletLafargarestinpeacehecouldn’tmakeherpayhecouldn’tatoneforhissinofkilling—)_

Images and confusion and haze blurred together in his mind, as the black darkness of sightlessness, something usually ignored because of his wind, threatened to swallow him whole.

“There’s _more_ for you than all of that, Dezel. …I know it’s hard to believe right now, but it’s true.”

_(if it was… then why was this the first time he was being told as much?)_

_~~(of course he knew why: because he was nothing but a coward who refused to see anything else, that’s all he ever had been, ever **would** be—)~~ _

“It’s going to be okay, here, Dezel. I promise.”

_(would it? **Truly**?)_

He tried to empty his mind, focusing only on the pressure on his shoulder, and on his chest.

Eventually, slowly, Dezel felt himself steadying, the outline of Guy in front of him coming into focus again with his wind. He breathed shakily, loosening his clenched fists, sighing. After a bit longer, Guy let go of him, putting his hands in his pockets and stepping back, and Dezel let his arms fall to his sides, silent.

_“Just leave me alone,”_ he wanted to say, humiliated and overwhelmed and drained because **_death_** would be better than being here, like _this._ Instead, other words came out of his mouse, feebly, hoarsely.

“…Why do you even care about me? You don’t even _know_ me.”

He didn’t even recognize himself anymore; this place was getting to him **_so_** badly.

Guy shrugged a little, a tinge of sorrow in his expression, or what Dezel didn’t doubt was likely pity. “Doesn’t matter; we’re all here together now, so we’re all trying to get to know everyone, and you’re no exception. I didn’t like seeing your friends sad about you, and you yourself troubled, and thought maybe I could help. I know it’s none of my business, and I am sorry for intruding on painful memories. But…”

He hesitated, sighing, looking at him with a face that implored him to listen.

“…I may not know anything about your specific situation, what you’ve suffered, but I _do_ know that pain, that rage you’re feeling, and felt. That denial, and despair, and realization of who’s responsible, that feeling that they _need_ to suffer just as much as that person did, as much as _you_ are, and that if you succeed in making them suffer, all will be made right again. It blinds you, consumes you, drives you, is the sole thing that keeps you going in a world where you have no one else, and feel like justice, punishment, must be served to the one who wronged you so, because you’re the only one who is going to inflict it, the only one who _knows._

“I know those emotions all too well. For those years, every night, I went to sleep with blood behind my eyes, the knowledge of what he did playing in my nightmares, and every time I was forced to be near him, it was all I could do to keep myself from killing him somehow right then and there.”

Guy closed his eyes, his hand held in front of him, in a tight fist.

“…Every time I had to watch A… L-Luke, fantasies played out in my mind of the day I would finally strangle him, or poison him, to make that man suffer.”

Dezel frowned, recalling earlier; he had said then that Luke was his initial target, for revenge by proxy, hadn’t he.

He hadn’t spent time with him at all himself, but the boy seemed kind and innocent enough from afar whenever he had caught him with Sorey, the two of them being quite alike. He wouldn’t have deserved being killed.

……But, if it had been necessary for his revenge, Dezel would have done anything, wouldn’t he?

_(because he already_ had _, he may not have killed her, but irreversible damage of a different kind was done all the same, and she didn’t deserve it at all but he had done it because he didn’t **care** —)_

“Having to let go of that when it’s all you’ve ever known, all you’ve been _counting_ on, is scary, I know it is; it leaves you feeling aimless, without a way to heal your pain, because the only way you knew how to is now gone. Having to abandon _any_ kind of big goal you’ve been striving for, that you feel like is your only purpose in life, and not knowing what to do or where to go afterward… is terrifying,” Guy continued quietly. Dezel tried with all his might to focus on the words, as much as he didn’t want to, the side of him protective of his vulnerability and indignant and insulted at trying to be swayed warring with the side of him stripped bare, that was _fascinated_ for some reason by this man, who somehow understood how he felt, if he was to be believed. “…But there are new things you can chase after, new reasons to live that you can find, to pull yourself back up out of the darkness you’ve fallen into, to help you, in place of revenge.”

He turned, and although Dezel couldn’t quite make them out completely from far away, he could tell enough that Luke was there, near Sorey and Edna, and the girl in heels that frequented with Luke and Guy. He didn’t doubt that the blonde man had his gaze set on him.

Dezel supposed he understood that feeling of protection over someone. Too bad his own had led to nothing good.

“…I found my reasons, and they’re still with me, here in Tir Na Nog” Guy said, smiling softly. “I’m sure you can find yours. You already have many that care about you, right here on this ship It sucks that we’re here, and we can’t go home, I know it does… but we’re all trying our hardest to make the most of it, and I know you can, as well.

“Revenge isn’t all there is, Dezel. I know how hard it is to see that, trust, me, I do. But letting people talk to you and help you instead will make you infinitely happier, in the end.”

“…He’s right.”

Another voice, a female one, suddenly entered his hearing, and Dezel turned in surprise as a woman appeared, with long, black, braided hair and a red and black raggedy outfit that was almost _too_ ragged to be called one. He had vaguely seen her with Sorey, too, but he knew practically nothing about her, as was par for the course. Her expression betrayed no emotion, but her voice wasn’t cold, simply matter-of-fact.

“I too, lost someone dear to me, and too, I was blinded by rage and bloodlust. Revenge was all I craved… and that never changed for the entire time until we were brought here.” She put her hand on her hip, and now, her eyes shined with a tinge of what was perhaps regret, or confliction. “…But eventually, it became less about a need to make up for what had happened, to make everything right again, and more about bringing closure to not only myself, but to my companions as well, who all had a stake in my goal, all had a reason for getting revenge _with_ me. I knew the person I loved was never coming back, but I had been denying it, deep down… Denying that I wasn’t doing it for him, but for myself. Once I accepted that, embraced my choice… it was no longer about just me, but everyone around me, the _world_ …… and even, strange as it sounds, the person I was going to kill. And after that change, I felt more at peace.”

The woman held her fist to her chest, sorrow clear in her face, however muted it still was. Somehow, in this moment, it felt as if the three of them were the only ones present, the rest of the room dying away behind them.

“…That’s why… being brought here hasn’t been as hard for me as it would have been for the old me. Phi is still with me, as is Eizen, and Eleanor… and it must be difficult for them, for different reasons, although Eizen at least has his sister here. It feels surreal, to be in a world where Artorius doesn’t exist, to not be chasing that goal of taking him down anymore, suddenly, and I know they feel the same way. …But I know that the original me is still in our world, saving it, so… I can live with this. I can live here, not exactly in peace, but… with a new goal, still with the people important to me.”

She looked at him, then, and there was so much _power_ in her gaze, as well as a flicker of something, **_longing_**.

“Sorey is a special kid… a good Shepherd. People like him don’t come very often. You’re lucky to have him. Trust in him.”

Dezel looked away, even though there was no need to, with his unseeing eyes, something uncomfortable building in his chest again, his heart clenching tightly.

She wasn’t wrong.

_(could he just… let go… just like that, after so long? The thought seemed so incomprehensible, so_ foreign _. But…)_

“……I’ll… think about it.”

He hated himself the moment the words came out of his mouth.

But he just couldn’t get out of his head the sudden images of Rose jumping onto his back and pulling him around playfully, and Sorey excitedly asking him about another species of bug, and the one time Mikleo had dared to hesitantly sit with a dog he had shown to him, awkwardly petting it, eventually letting show a little smile that only he had seen.

Those moments had always been in his memory, he had just… never thought about them. But added up together, thinking about them now……

Dezel swallowed.

…Would it really be considered going soft if he was literally incapable of getting his revenge, now?

“Guyyyyy! Could you come look at this… security thingamajiggy? I accidentally broke it, haha… as usual.”

Foggily, Dezel registered the high-pitched cheerful voice nearby, and the blonde girl in white who skipped up to them, her poking her index fingers together sheepishly. Guy laughed in response to her question, nodding. “Sure thing, Colette; I’ll take a look. Be right there.”

“Thanks!”

She grinned, leaving them, and Guy moved after her, giving him a firm pat on the shoulder once more, and meeting his gaze.

“Sorry for accosting you like that, and getting all personal. We’re all here for you, though; just remember that. Again, I’m Guy! See you around, Velvet!”

He waved at the black-haired woman still there, who must have been Velvet, her smiling imperceptibly and nodding at him, and then as he was walking away, he said: “Speak of the devil!”

“…Dezel?”

Dezel turned his wind, confused, until he saw—

Oh.

“Is… Is everything alright?”

Sorey stood before him (seriously, where had he _come_ from? Everyone always had to be so sneaky and sudden; it was so aggravating), his hands held together in front of him, his entire body tense, it and his expression giving off nothing but concerned hesitation. Dezel did everything he could to not let out a scream of frustration, not wanting to make things worse, and instead took a deep breath, counting to ten, making his voice as neutral as possible.

_(had this kid_ always _had him wrapped around his little finger so tightly? And he just hadn’t **realized** it…?_

_If that was the case, then he had_ always _been softer than he’d thought. Damn. He was still certain nothing would have changed at the time of his fateful encounter, but still…)_

“…Yeah, everything’s fine, Sorey. …Just thinking about some stuff, is all.”

_Please just accept that._

…But of _course_ he wasn’t going to have his way, for Sorey then proceeded to move close to him, slowly and yet _suddenly_ at the same time, uncharacteristically reaching out and taking one of his hands, clasping it in his gloved one tightly, and staring at it with such serious intensity that dumbfounded him beyond _belief_.

“Sorey…???”

“…I’m glad you’re here with us, Dezel. I really am.”

His voice was barely a whisper, and it cracked. With the slightest breeze, he could also detect the brimming of tears in the boy’s eyes.

If Dezel hadn’t wanted to melt into a puddle of nothingness _before_ , he _definitely_ wanted to now.

“Wha… What’s gotten into you?! Of course I’m here; when have I not been?”

He had never seen him like this before, ever. It was unnerving, and almost worrisome.

Sorey’s breath hitched slightly. For some reason, his mind went back to Guy’s words, about vengeance, and those it hurt.

It was all foolish, he thought, scoffing. His mission wouldn’t have affected any of them _(but Rose);_ why was Sorey treating him like such a delicate weakling? Why was he so _concerned_ all of a sudden? Hell, especially since he couldn’t even _get_ his revenge anymore?

…And why wasn’t Dezel pulling away?

_(why did he have such an unexplained, sickening, **painful** churning in his stomach, and why did the thought of seeing Sorey crying feel so… wrong?)_

“……I’m right here, Sorey. I’m not going anywhere. …Hmph, I _can’t_ go anywhere _._ So you’re all stuck with me, just like you were before. You _happy_ to hear me say it?”

Sorey, still acting so surprisingly vulnerable for him, let go of his hand, and instead hugged him. Dezel sighed, putting his hand in the brown fluffy hair awkwardly, knowing that in a day he _was_ going to die knowing that this entire strange, unexplained spectacle had even happened. How many people were watching them right _now_? He didn’t want to check.

Somehow, it didn’t feel like it mattered, though. The previously so-loud ruckus of the room he could barely hear, anymore.

“…V-Very happy, Dezel. Thank you.” He sniffed and let out a watery chuckle, looking up at him, eyes red, but a smile there. “…I hope… you won’t mind being here, with everyone.”

Of course he minded, he couldn’t _lie_ : everything he had been fighting for, aiming for, to atone, to put his anger and grief into, that **_person_** , was back in Glenwood. It would be impossible to accept it completely… or at least, not for a long time.

But…

_(huh, strange. For some reason, when he thought of Glenwood, right now, the first thing he instinctually thought of was Sorey and Rose. Not Symonne, somehow)_

……Perhaps Guy and Velvet knew what they were talking about, a little.

Dezel took in a deep breath, feeling small, and uncertain, and mortified, but trying to push it aside, determined and resolute. There was no denying the comforting warmth in his chest with the soft body holding him, after all.

“…It might be a while, but I’ll… try to get used to it.”

He was getting _so_ soft.

“I’m relieved.”

Funny, now his eyes were hot, too. He had never felt any sensation in them in years.

“…Me too…… Thanks, Sorey.”

Maybe he didn’t need Symonne anymore, after all, as alien as the idea felt right now.

…But maybe Lafarga would rather him have this, instead.


End file.
